May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
