you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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