Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
