Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize