Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
