I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
