I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
