nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
