No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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