sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Houston, we have a squirter
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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