I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
