you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
