when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
