just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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