you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
