Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
