Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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