I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
