i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize