I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
