A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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