Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im holly from the hills drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
