I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
