You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
