im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
