my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
