out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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