If i come over, it means nothing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
