every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize