Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
