I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
