"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
