Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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