Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
