We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
