wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
