he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
