I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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