i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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