im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Houston, we have a squirter
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
