Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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