Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
