What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize