i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
