call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
