Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
