Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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