oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
