Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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