I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
