Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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