I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm like, not good at living.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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