Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
