I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
