I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
grandma shit on top of the toilet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
