I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
