just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
