why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize