i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
