I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
