she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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