I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
