There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
