I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
