My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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