Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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