She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
