In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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