Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize